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Sunday, 27 May 2012

Six Sentence Sunday - Better Left Unspoken


Another excerpt from my short story ‘Better Left Unspoken’. The story wasn’t working and I couldn’t quite work out why, so I’ve done a GMC chart and now, of course, I have to do significant revisions. Serves me right. This should stay, though.
Dirt floor, rocky uncut stone wall. Blue sky, hammering sun. The strange clacking continued unabated out of sight. Rope cut tight into Berkh’s wrists and ankles as he tried to turn his head.
A scream bubbled up his throat. Eyes bulging, he clamped his teeth shut against it.
You can find more Six Sentence Sunday writers here.

In other news, I’ve sent ‘Love Enough’ to Tor.com for consideration. Hopefully I’ll have a response before I have a second baby. Their response time is 9 months, and I’m not pregnant yet, so it’s even-odds!


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22 comments:

Karyn Good said...

Very tense six! Loved the short, abbreviated sentences of description! Great job.

MAJK said...

Best wishes on Tor.com - I'd love to see them publish Love Enough.

Ciara Ballintyne said...

 Very unforgiving, and I haven't even mentioned the worst of it yet!

Ciara Ballintyne said...

Quite! Thanks :-)

Ciara Ballintyne said...

 Thanks, he's disoriented, so I was trying to convey some of that in the way he's perceiving his surroundings.

Helen A. Howell said...

Now you've piqued my interest - nice 6 sentences!

Ciara Ballintyne said...

 Thanks Helen :-) This story is giving me a headache at the moment because of the rewrites but this scene at least has no major problems!

Amberr Meadows said...

Wow, as usual, six sentences is not enough. Lure us in and leave us hanging, why don't ya? :-)

Ciara Ballintyne said...

 Of course, what else is Six Sentence Sunday for? If you don't want more, I haven't done my job properly :-)

Ciara Ballintyne said...

 Thanks, me too! If they say no, I'll just try somewhere else though :-)

Ciara Ballintyne said...

 Thanks, he's disoriented, so I was trying to convey some of that in the way he's perceiving his surroundings.

Ciara Ballintyne said...

 Thanks, definitely wanted to create the right mood for this.

Veronica Scott said...

Tense, really portrays the bad situation he's gotten into. Terrific six!

Wendy Russo said...

Ouch. Someone's in a bad situation. Very visual. :)

Karen de Lange said...

Sounds like he's in quite an unforgiving place, in all kinds of ways! Very vivid six.

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