Sunday, 4 March 2012

Six Sentence Sunday: Deathhawk's Betrayal - The Beginning

If you read my post What I Learned From Rejection... And A Fortuitous Workshop! you'll know that I've been busily rewriting the opening chapter of Deathhawk's Betrayal and promised to post the first six sentences here today. If you haven't read that post, you might want to drop by and read about my epiphany. 

The new chapter is still in rough first draft form, but here is the opening for your reading pleasure:
           Astarl shook the magician hard, her hands twisted in the fabric of his rough, homespun shirt, his head snapping back and forth on his neck. Strands of short, ash-blonde hair fell into her eyes. ‘You have to help me!’
The magician’s brown eyes rolled back in their sockets. She thrust him away, chest heaving, small, bloodied fingers brushing the hair back. The magician slumped to the stone floor.
So... would you keep reading?

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Em LaBonte said...

Nice, between the pic that caught my eye, and the opening you got me hooked.  It looks like your book, even in rough draft form is taking shape.  Nicely done.  I'll happily be back to check on your progress.  Thanks for posting. :)

Carrie Ann Ryan said...

Nice. Very vivid.

Janeisaac said...

Gripping opening, Ciara. Lovely pic too:)

Krystal Wade said...

I'd keep reading! :-)

Ciara Ballintyne said...

 Thanks for stopping by and commenting :-)

Ciara Ballintyne said...

 It is at least more vivid than the previous opening!

Ciara Ballintyne said...

 Thanks, Jane, on both counts.

Ciara Ballintyne said...

Fantastic, that's what any writer wants to hear. Thanks for stopping by, Krystal

Goran said...

Nice opening six... raises a lot of questions, just the thing to hook the reader into wanting to know more.

Is that the character portrait you won at Imran's blog a few months back? It looks like the artist did a great job. :-)

Ciara Ballintyne said...

 Good, cause that's what I was aiming for!

Yes, it is indeed the artwork I won on Imran's blog. I'm very happy with it, came out fantastic. I decided to use it on my facebook page where it looks really awesome in the new format www.facebook.com/CiaraBallintyne

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